


Lost and Found

by gingergallifreyan



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Marriage Proposal, Romance, Temporary Amnesia, intimations of suicidal thoughts, with a sprinkle of fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-07-19 10:48:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19972810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gingergallifreyan/pseuds/gingergallifreyan
Summary: After the events of the flight to Hull, the Doctor has a minor accident that leads to a case of amnesia. Rose sticks with him, of course, but finds that she has unresolved feelings from the few months they've been together.





	Lost and Found

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hanluvr (Bria)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bria/gifts).



> This was written for Hanluvr for a giveaway I did in January 2019. She prompted "amnesia, hurt/comfort, and finish with committing formally to one another on the beach." Hope you like!
> 
> I took some inspiration from the Big Finish Tentoo and Jackie short trips. Hear me out: I personally took his confession of love to be on the angsty side. It was no question for Tentoo and Rose that he loved her. Rather, it's more that he's been struggling heavily with his identity and dealing with nightmares from the war. His admission of loving Rose was more a slip of the tongue, and then he realized the weight of those words, and in his own insecurities and issues, he'd perhaps been neglecting that. "Of course I love her, and... bollocks, I've forgotten that, and I've forgotten who I am." It's then that Jackie is able to speak some sense into him. If that makes sense? It makes sense in my head. 
> 
> The only reason I say all this is because of how he reacts to it, what Jackie says: 
> 
> "'My Rose, she doesn't do things by halves,' ... and he said, 'That's why I love her.' And, well, he stops laughing, and he looks at me, and he gives me this look. It's like his eyes are pleading at me, like a puppy. That's it! He's like a puppy who knows he's done something wrong. Maybe because of Krista or what he said to me, and he just wants everything to be right again." 
> 
> It's the sad puppy dog look that tips everything for me. I know Jackie is telling in relation to her story, but I don't think 'I love Rose Tyler' would prompt thoughts of his mother-in-law. Anyway, that's what I got from the audios.

Rose was enjoying a pleasant dream, her and the Doctor—this Doctor, mind, the one with one heart—enjoying a picnic in a grassy meadow, their afternoon turning amorous, when his gasp startled her awake. Her eyes flew open as the man beside her bolted up, chest heaving.

“Doctor? What’s wrong?”

His eyes widened and he flew back, right over the side of the bed. Rose might have giggled at his misfortune if not for the look in his eyes—fear.

She turned her bedside lamp on. “Another nightmare?”

“Rose, how are you here?”

“What do you mean?”

“We’re supposed to be separated, but if you’re here, that means… where am I?” He took in the space around him. “This isn’t the TARDIS. Is this some sort of dream? Am I hallucinating?” He focused on her, as if blinking itself would make her disappear.

“It’s not a dream. We’re in our flat. Blimey, that bump must have done your head in.” She sighed.

“Why do I only have one heart?” He rubbed his chest as the wheels in his mind spun. “And why does my head hurt?”

“You hit your head earlier today. Come on, we’ll get some paracetamol.”

“What do you mean our flat?” He winced as he took her hand and she pulled him up.

She entered their en suite with him in tow. “That’s a long story, Doctor, and your mind will probably reset before I can tell you.”

He sat on the toilet lid. “Reset? Is this transient global amnesia?”

“Seems to be the short of it, yeah.”

“So this isn’t some cruel trick? You’re really here with me?”

She touched his cheek. “Does this feel like a dream to you?”

“No.” He swallowed. “I’ll be stuck in a loop for about a day. I’ve been stuck in actual time loops before. It’s not pleasant.”

She opened the mirror and scanned the bottles on the shelves. “Do you want to sleep in the guest room? You probably need lots of it and I don’t want to wake you in the morning.”

“No,” he insisted, taking her hand. “I don’t want to wake up without you.”

She half-smiled. “Alright. Do you want a melatonin?”

“Only so you can keep your sanity.” She handed him three little pills. “I’m sorry for what you’re about to go through. I don’t know how I got here or how you’re here, but I trust you.” He swallowed them along with the water she’d passed to him. “With my life, Rose. I mean it.”

“Hey.” She put her hands on his shoulders and smiled. “We’re in this together, yeah?” She leaned in to kiss him, and she might have pulled away at his hesitation, remembering that he had no recollection of anything at the moment, but he held her hips against him.

Then he gasped and pulled away. His eyes widened, and she stepped back for fear of overwhelming him. “Rose, how are you here?”

She smiled wistfully. “That’s a long story.”

“We’re supposed to be separated, but if you’re here, that means… where am I?” He took in the space around him with as much wonder as he’d done before. “This isn’t the TARDIS. Is this a dream? Am I hallucinating?”

“It’s not a dream. You hit your head.”

“Why do I have only one heart?”

“I can’t tell you because your mind will reset.”

“Reset?”

“Yes. You have transient global—”

“Amnesia?”

“Yeah. You hit your head in the lab earlier today. The doctor said this might happen, trigger it, he said.”

“Lab?”

“Yes. You’re part-human now, living with me, and we work at UNIT here in Pete’s World. You were in the lab earlier today, trying to grow our little TARDIS coral, and the circuit you were trying to repair exploded or something, and you hit your head.”

“You mean… we’re together?”

“Yes. Only just, really. You’ve had a rough go of it since other you dropped us off. You needed a little space to figure things out for yourself.”

“But we have carpets and doors and… things?”

“Yes.” She smiled.

“Like I’d always wanted. The one thing I wanted more than anything else and could never have.”

“Now you do.”

He pulled her closer. “This isn’t a dream?”

“No.” She touched his cheek. “Does this feel like a dream to you?”

“That sounds exactly like what a dream Rose would say, and then I’d wake up and you weren’t real after all. That would be my luck. You’d be some alien species that induced a dream-like state or put me in some artificial reality based on my deepest desires. It would feel real, and I’d never want to wake up, which would be their aim, really. Keep me out of the way so they can wreak havoc on the universe.” He meant it humorously, but it was far more revealing than he might have intended.

“How many times did that happen?”

“What?”

“How many times did you dream of me? After we were separated.”

He swallowed. “Almost every time I slept. Martha had words with me because I avoided it for a while.”

“This is interesting. I’m learning more about you now than in your normal state.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” She felt a bit voyeuristic. She knew he loved her, and she knew he’d been dealing with all sorts of demons. He just hadn’t shared much with her yet, aside from his nightmares of fire and war. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be prying.”

“What’s this, eh?” He pulled her onto his lap.

“You’ve been trying to sort yourself, and you should be telling me in your own time.”

“Have I been a closed book?”

“Not completely.”

“How many times have we been through this cycle?”

“Just two.”

His face brightened. “Fetch me a notebook, will you? And quick.”

She dashed to his nightstand and fetched his journal out of the drawer and would have rushed back in, but he’d followed her. After a few seconds of staring at the bed, he scrawled a few notes and yawned. She said, “I gave you a melatonin,” and turning down the covers for him. “Helps you sleep.”

“Right.” He rubbed his eyes. “To bed, then.”

“Back to bed. Our bed. It’s nearly four in the morning.” She

“Keep this notebook with me, Rose Tyler. You shouldn’t have to answer my questions every time. They’ll only be the same.”

“Whatever helps you,” she said softly and clicked off her light.

“Are you sure this is all real? Have we used this bed for more than just sleeping?”

“Yes, you plum.” A sleepy smile crept over her face as she drifted off.

\--

When she opened her eyes hours later, she found him staring. “Did you not sleep at all?”

“I think I did. Apparently, I have amnesia. One minute I was piloting the TARDIS with Donna and then I wake up next to you in a flat with a door and carpets.”

She sat up slightly. “Are you upset?”

“Only because I’m missing how we got here.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m not supposed to have one heart. I thought maybe this wasn’t real, but I know it is because I’ve told myself it is.”

“That was a good idea.”

“It was a brilliant idea. I’d know, because I’m the one who came up with it.”

She grinned.

“I am angry.” He laid down and snuggled into her. “But not with you.”

“Why, then?”

“I’m angry this moment will be lost to me.” His eyes traversed her face, taking her in.

“You won’t remember anything.”

“Not unless I jot it down.” He touched her cheek, brushed her hair behind her ear.

Every time they’d been through this, Rose was struck by the emotion in his eyes, the fearful hope. Her heart panged for him, for their time apart, for the reminder of how devastated he was, but she also warmed for the memories of their first few nights together before the headaches and bad dreams.

“I’m hungry,” he mumbled.

She giggled. “Banana pancakes it is.”

His eyes lit up. “Now I know this is a dream. Rose Tyler _and_ banana pancakes?”

“It’s more likely than you think.”

“What?” His face drew a blank. 

“It’s a joke from the internet. Sorry. You like perusing memes now.”

“Do I?”

“Yeah. It’s kind of nice, life on the slow path.”

“It’s the one thing I wanted with you more than anything.”

“And you got it.” For a moment, she was deeply sad for her other Doctor. If only he could know they were happy together, or were nearly so. Her part-human Doctor wanted it so badly, and he’d battled through his self-doubt, in no small part thanks to her mum.

Speaking of, her mobile rang. “Hi, Mum,” she answered.

“How’s ‘imself?”

“He’s okay. Going through a bout of amnesia.”

“Does he remember anything?”

“Not about being here.”

“And after I’d just slapped some sense into him.”

 _“Perfect_ timing, I know.”

“Is it that amnesia where your brain loops every ninety seconds or so?”

“It’s been longer than ninety seconds. I assume that’s the Time Lord part of his brain working.”

“You think he’ll be alright?”

“Of course.”

“I hope he sorts himself soon. Call if you need anything.”

“I will.” She hung up. “We’d better get moving.” When she looked at him again, he was staring.

\--

Every time he reset was just a little bit different, and each episode grew to be a little longer. Towards the end of the day, he started remembering bits and pieces of his Pete’s World life. They’d gone two hours without making another loop and he seemed to have his full recollection, so they cautiously went to sleep.

She slowly woke with his arms around her and snuggled back into his chest.

“Rose,” he murmured into her neck.

She mumbled, “You’ve amnesia.”

“Apparently I did. I don’t remember a bit of it, though. Anything from the loops, I mean.”

She leaned on him and looked over her shoulder. “Nothing?”

“I remember the few hours before bed, but that’s it. And using the notebook to leave messages for myself was a stroke of genius.”

“In Gallifreyan, no less. It was very clever. You called yourself brilliant.” She rolled onto her back.

“I would.”

“You did.” She bit her lip. The returned familiarity between them warmed her chest.

He wet his lips. “I told myself I couldn’t kiss you until I remembered.”

“Made that mistake once and you woke up in the act.”

“Ah.” He nodded.

“Yeah. But you remember now, right?”

“No. Help me out.”

“Not funny!” she said, hardly able to hold back a smile herself. She grabbed a pillow to push into his side, but he caught her hand.

“Wouldn’t want me to hit my head again, now would we?”

That struck a nerve. “Stop that.”

“Stop what?”

“Making jokes about it.”

He snorted. “You were the one getting physical. No need to be tetchy.”

“I know, but please don’t do your ‘I’m fine’ thing. You didn’t have to see yourself every time.”

He immediately sobered. “I’m sorry.”

“The worst part was knowing how it must have felt for you. You didn’t have any control over what was happening to you, and every time you saw me for the first time, you were devastated. You’d only just come around about who you are. I was looking forward to having you back, and then you were just… gone.” Tears started flowing and she covered her eyes. Apparently, she needed to process through this, and he didn’t need that burden. “I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t be. Talk to me.”

“It was almost like you’d left me, and you haven’t been here in the first place.”

He wrapped his arm around her. “Oh, Rose.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t want to rehash this all over again.”

“We’re not. We talked about me. We didn’t talk about you.”

“I didn’t do all that work with the dimension cannon only to be left by you, too.”

“I would never—”

“You say that, Doctor, but the only thing you’ve tried to do since you got here was off yourself. Don’t think I haven’t spoken with Mum about the zeppelin and that seige.”

He exhaled.

“I know you’re in pain and I know you’re trying and you told me things would get better. I’ve been giving you the space you need, but, Doctor… I need you. You promised me we’d grow old together, but you can’t do that if you’re not here.” She sniffled and reached for a tissue on her nightstand. “And before you start, I don’t need some big admission of guilt from you. I know you love me and I know you didn’t mean for this. I just need you to know how I feel.”

“I’m sorry I made you feel like this.” He opened his mouth to say more, but thought better and closed it.

“Thank you.” She smiled through her tears and hugged his neck.

“I want to be here.”

“Yeah?”

“I want—”

“What do you want?” She was counting on him answering with banana pancakes or something frivolous.

Rather, he looked intently at her and said, “I want you.” He leaned in and pressed his lips to hers. “I want you, Rose.”

It certainly wasn’t the first time they’d made love, but in a lot of ways it felt like it.

\--

“For a moment, I didn’t want to be here,” he said. “The nightmares, the feeling I’d let you down somehow. It was too much.”

Rose brushed her hair from her face as the wind off the ocean whipped it around. The Doctor fished out a hair tie from the inside pocket of his blue suit jacket, and she nearly melted at his happy grin and hum. After pulling her hair back, she held his hands and squeezed. “Yeah?”

He glanced around Bad Wolf Bay. “After we were left here, I had no idea what life would be like. Part of me wondered if we could go back to the way we were. I knew you’d changed, and I certainly had, and when I didn’t know if I could fix our growing TARDIS, I wondered if I could offer you anything of value after all.”

“Of course you could,” she said.

“I know that now. But I didn’t then. And now I don’t want to go back to the way we were at all. Not after you saved me again.”

“Yeah?” She wiped a tear from her cheek.

“I want more than what we used to have. I want…” His Adam’s apple bobbed.

“What do you want?”

“Ask me how long I’m going to stay with you.”

She giggled. “How long are you gonna stay with me, Doctor?” Then she gasped as he pulled a small velvet box from his pocket and knelt before her.

“Forever, if you’ll have me.”

She covered her eyes as she sobbed.

“Rose? Isn’t this how it’s done?” He stood and pulled her close. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No, you plonker!”

“Then what is it?”

“It’s just…” She held onto his biceps. “I thought I would never see you again. But you’re here, and we’re on this beach again, and—and… y _es,_ Doctor.”

Then, as they'd done on the same beach months ago, they clung to one another. Where one ended, the other began, their promise sealed with a kiss.


End file.
